Tuesday, August 9, 2011 at 8:49PM Out of the four cats who have lived in my home, not a single one of them has enjoyed wearing clothing quite like these cats. "Enjoy" might be the wrong word. Edible rewards for wearing a bonnet obviously helps.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011 at 8:48PM 
A few nights ago, my husband called me to look out the front window. I’ve fallen for these tricks before. It was a fireworks holiday when he and my stepson had carefully laid Snaps on the sidewalk knowing I would run through them. Luckily I dodged them to find out the bug they wanted me to see didn’t exist.
This time, I proceeded with caution, even though his voice was convincing enough that there was a critter that I needed to see.
As I tiptoed to the window, I saw it: A small raccoon.
It stood on its hind legs and noticed the audience of a cat, my husband and myself. I smiled and waved which, of course, frightened it and it waddled away.
I absolutely love the woodland critters that live outside our home. We have squirrels, quail and the raccoons. Any closer to the mountains and I might be running from moose.
Six years ago, I begged and pleaded to get a dog and I got one. I was hoping that this was the beginning of my animal hoarding. No way. Any time I bring up my soon-to-be adopted alpacas, goats and peacocks, he reminds me that I can do that in my “Bountiful house.”
My “Bountiful house” has become a joke between us. It’s the place he refers to when I start the crazy talk about the animal sanctuary I want.
Much as I love the idea of a house full of animals, I’m not a fan of waste management. I’m also not sure I could afford to take care of my animal friends. I currently have two cats and a dog and taking care of them isn’t cheap. Those impulse buys of animal clothing and accessories at PetSmart don’t help.
Then there was a visit to the Downtown Farmers Market last year where we found what was basically a starter kit to backyard chickens. We studied the brochure and asked questions. For a second, I thought we would be bringing home a coop and some adorable little chicks to put in it.
Reality set in as we talked about the poop and the fact that we don’t eat eggs — seriously, I don’t think we have purchased any in over the year after the Great Raw Egg Incident of 2010.
Having backyard chickens would have no practical purpose, other than more pets for me to cuddle; a terrible thing when I’ve already got three demanding fur balls.
In my dreams I have my picturesque “Bountiful house” where my animals don’t poop or stink. The reality is that I’ve got woodland critters who run away when I wave at them.
This originally ran in inthisweek.com in June 2011
